Learning to trust again is a process, and having the faith to know that it will work, is the key. Everyone is different, and your faith moves you forward and upward like building blocks. Take your time and examine what is important to YOU. What is important to you may not be what is important to someone else, sit down, and talk about the situation. Write it down, examine it, set your goals, and do not limit the process. You may make mistakes along the way but do not give up. Trusting is sometimes like learning to ride a bike; you try and try again until you get it right, and once you learn you will never forget how it works.
According to Bestselling Authors and Relationship Experts, Linda Bloom LCSW & Charlie Bloom MSW, Betrayal: It’s Not Just About Infidelity, there are 7 Steps to Healing Broken Trust:
Acknowledge your actions to your partner before, not after they find out. The sooner the better. The longer you have been living a lie, the deeper the damage, the more difficult the possibility of a full recovery and the longer the healing process takes. Acknowledging the transgression before your partner affirms it from another source creates a higher level of trust than waiting until you’ve been found out.
Get honest. Commit yourself to zero tolerance for dishonesty in your relationship. Even after you’ve successfully demonstrated your commitment, don’t be surprised if your partner needs a lot of evidence that you are trustworthy before they’ll be ready to believe anything you say. This will take time and will require patience on your part.
Address the questions that your partner asks you. Don’t be defensive in response to your partner’s need for information. They need to make sure that you aren’t withholding anything else and they probably have a lot of questions that only you can answer. Be guided by the question “Is this information necessary for the healing of our relationship?” Keep in mind that your intention in this process is to communicate in a way that will restore good will. It’s not necessary to give details that will be unnecessarily inflammatory. Try to see the questions as an opportunity for you to demonstrate the kind of truth telling that your partner needs to see in order to begin to trust you again. Even if the questions seem to be repetitive or unnecessary, they need answers in order to come to terms with the situation.
Listen to their feelings, all of them. Don’t analyze, evaluate, judge, or reason with your partner in regard to any of their feelings. Listening without disputing is not equivalent to agreeing with someone’s point of view. It’s possible to listen respectfully even if you don’t see eye to eye about everything. Feelings aren’t necessarily rational, but they are real. You will have your turn to express your perspective, but not until they’ve expressed what they want you to hear.
Be patient. Reassure your partner that they can take as much time as they need to rebuild trust. The process will probably take longer than you think it should and will require self-restraint and compassion. In the end however, it is likely to bring about a deepening of the connection between the two of you. Resist the temptation to urge them to “get over it.” Give your partner reassuring words like: “I know that I am serious about this commitment and I understand that you need more time to see the evidence and trust me. I can give you all the time you need.”
Take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge the truth of what you’ve done and avoid any explanations, rationalizations, excuses, or justifications for your behavior. There will be a time to view things from a larger context when your partner may be more curious about what conditions in the relationship were contributing to the situation, but that will come later.
Stay focused on your intention. The work of recovery from a breach of integrity in a committed partnership takes time and effort and can be humbling. The stakes are high, and the benefits from doing the work are enormous. A successful healing can transform a damaged partnership into a sacred union. Many couples have told us that in the end, the crisis that came from the betrayal ultimately led to a profound deepening of the love and trust that they both currently share.
Read more click on: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-bloom-lcsw-and-charlie-bloom- msw/relationships-trust_b_3569631.html
All of this is hard work and you can start the process today, do not let another day go by without starting the process. Your relationship is worth it! Do not let your problems stop the process. Keep building! Keep the Faith!
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